Thursday, May 2, 2013

Future Former Fantasies

Future former fantasies

Former locker room picker-upper?  Former unskilled construction labor?  Former movie-theater projectionist?  If I’m ever interviewed on CNN or Fox News, it’s a fair bet that none of these jobs will be plastered under my name.  They don’t say much about me save perhaps to tell you that in my school days I was willing to do anything to keep working on my 1977 Camaro, get free movie tickets and pay for a date with that girl I’d had my eye on.   It always interests me that so many TV commentators are qualified as experts simply by putting “Former Prosecutor” under their names.  Why?

It says something.

They were once entrusted with the power of the State.  They once devoted themselves to service.  They once sought to make sense of tragedy, explain the inexplicable, comfort the inconsolable and restore the irretrievable.  They had once taken the vow of poverty and despaired of ever paying off their student loans.  They were counted among the warrior monks of the law, slaying the giants and monsters that are indeed lurking in the shadows.

I am hard pressed to think of other professions for which being a “former” one doesn't raise more questions than it answers.  Former priest?  Hmmm.   Former doctor?  Forgot to count sponges, huh?  Former computer programmer?  Windows 8,  eh?  It just doesn't seem to help.

It never fails…whether the Zimmerman or Arias trials, a terrorist attack or some other tragic event that finds its way in to the legal system…the former prosecutors will be there to chime in.  I suppose the good news is that since being a former prosecutor qualifies you as an “expert”, I might still get my own show on cable and pay off those student loans.

In the meantime, there remain giants to be slain.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Welcome!  If you have landed here, you likely suffer from insomnia, mistyped a search for a local defense lawyer, or you’re my mom.

I have no great mission to declare, no cause to support, no awareness to increase. Thankfully for most, the criminal justice system is a bit of a mystery.  I simply thought it might be interesting for folks to have a peek behind the curtain.  People often enjoy the courthouse “stories” and have questions about the people, the process and results of our criminal justice system.  We do have a cast of characters and stories unrivaled by anything you've seen on TV or read in a book.  Hopefully, I can present them here with a little humor.  In doing so, I don’t mean to imply that that any case or individual is taken lightly.  Our business impacts real people with real problems for which the system struggles to find real solutions.  That said, if you can’t appreciate the humor that presents itself in even the most serious situations, life can be quite desolate and bleak.  Personally, I enjoy the humor in things and it is rarely in short supply.  If nothing else, I will amuse myself briefly in the writing of it all. 

If you've always wondered about __________, ask me the question and (eventually) I’ll do my best to answer.  There won’t be any mention of names, no “inside the courthouse” gossip, no reasoned treatise on the death penalty or other controversial issues of the day.  I very much like my job and I have every intention of keeping it, thank you very much. 

What I will tell you is that there is no better job in the world for a lawyer than being a prosecutor.  Talk to any attorney you know, regardless of how much they make or what kind of car they drive;  if they've been a prosecutor, they will likely tell you that it was the best job they ever had.  The other ones would too, if they’d ever done it.  

Since we ARE lawyers, I am compelled to tell you that this is in no way the official blog of any Prosecutor’s office, the State of Missouri, any law enforcement agency or even a talented writer.  The observations and opinions are mine alone.  Moreover, I shall relate only the facts and details that are already in the public domain whether by court-filing or otherwise.  Hopefully, I can provide a little context, and perhaps some edutainment value in the process.    Feedback is welcome until you hurt my tender feelings and I block you forever.